People say that “the quality of our life depends much on the quality how we communicate”. Do you agree?

Some people speak loudly, some silently, some are very noisy and others stand quiet. Some of us initiate the discussions, some wait for other to start. Some of us are very concrete when talking, others talk and talk and talk. Some are emotional another people keep “poker face”. Some use generalizations, some choose words very carefully.

We speak “different languages” depending on situation, our mood, and a company. But still we all have our prevailing mode of communication, of which we often are not aware of.

^{Pexels/Alex Andrews}

It is good to name and be aware of „our language”. Maybe two classifications below could help?

1. David Kantor, well known family therapist and organizational systems consultant (the author of the book Reading the room), developed the theory of domains of communication. Understanding these rules can help people to observe their own behaviours and the actions of their families/teams as well. Kantor recognizes three main domains or languages of communication: affect (emotions), power and meaning. The language of affect is much about feelings and connection between individuals. The meaning domain concerns explaining and ways of understanding. The power language means the wish to get things done. In other words:

• Someone who is using language of power, is interested in what we are going to do.
• Someone who is using language of meaning, is interested in the ideas and values behind what is happening.
• Someone who is using language of emotions, is concerned about feelings of the people involved and relationships between them.

2. Sarah Rozenthuler, the dialogic consultant and coach, in her book Life changing conversations is writing about four languages of conversation: language of the head, language of the heart, language of the hands and language of the horizon. Sarah was inspired by Jungian psychology to articulate these languages of communication.

• Language of the head means connecting with others through: sharing our thinking and opinions, finding meaning in what is said, biding together different ideas, understanding the key issues.
• Language of the heart means expressing our feelings, providing a sense of warmth, being willing to open up and showing care about others.
• Language of hands is connecting with others through: providing practical suggestions, taking care of the details, focusing what will get done, considering the “now”.
• Language of horizon means: using our imagination, looking at the bigger picture, considering future possibilities, noticing patterns.

Most of us have prevailing communication domain used in different situations. That makes also inclinations for actions taken (like if we initiate action or oppose).

We all can explore what languages we speak, how we communicate. And find out how other people communicate. It will help us much to better understand ourselves and other, observe the patterns of behaviour. Expand capacity to connect with others, enable powerful outcomes from meetings, talks. If e.g. somebody speaks the language of power and the other person the language of emotions, it is difficult for both of them to find the same understanding, to go deeply into problem and solve it. Their “energies”of communication are too different.

The solution is to find/identify the preferences in communication and be able do adjust to others when it is needed, building the bridge for common understanding.